The Cost of Compassion
- Lisa Askins
- Oct 29
- 2 min read
A care kit for the in-between.
I remember a moment, years ago, when I saw my unhoused neighbor crossing the street.
Not for the first time, and not for the last.
My heart broke, knowing how many well-meaning people had tried to help him.
Yet here he was — not fully present in himself, still at risk.
And that was the moment something shifted in me.
I began a quiet inner practice —
a way to honor what I couldn’t fix while still caring deeply.
I would say to myself:
“I respect the path you are on.”
Not to absolve myself of responsibility.
Not to detach.
But to stay compassionate without collapsing.
To keep caring without losing myself.
Because if I wanted my compassion to last,
I needed to tend to the one offering it — me.
A Care Kit for the In-Between
Compassion is strength —
but strength has weight.
There is a cost to caring.
This is how we carry it
without carrying it alone.
Emotional Resilience
Staying connected to ourselves while we feel what we feel
Not: powering through, numbing, “bouncing back,” staying unaffected
Is: remaining rooted in who we are, even when our hearts are breaking
Emotional resilience isn’t toughness.
It’s tenderness that knows how to stay.
Care action:
Pause and ask:
“What am I feeling — and where does it live in my body?”
Compassion + Boundaries
Where care meets truth
Not: rescuing, over-responsibility, losing yourself in someone else’s suffering
Is: caring without merging, presence without absorption
Compassion sees the person.
Dignity honors where they are.
Care action:
Gently name:
“What is mine to carry? And what is not?”
Protecting Against Compassion Fatigue
Capacity is not infinite — it is relational
Not: “I can’t care anymore.”
Is: “I need replenishment to continue caring.”
Fatigue is not failure.
It’s a signal that compassion needs care.
Care action:
Put one nourishing thing on the calendar
before you think you need it.
Self-Compassion
The compassion that keeps compassion alive
Not: indulgence or excuses
Is: the maintenance of your ability to remain human
Self-compassion keeps the heart resourced enough to stay open.
Care action:
Offer yourself a gentle stance:
“This is hard, and others feel this way too.”
✴️Reflection
A few gentle questions for the road:
Where am I losing myself in the name of care?
What boundary would protect the part of me that cares the most?
What do I need to stay soft without collapsing?
Let’s talk. If you’re navigating change and want to lead with more clarity, confidence, and connection, I’d love to support your next step.
