The Personal Discernment Checklist
- Lisa Askins
- May 24
- 2 min read
A tool for staying grounded in what matters.
I’m a deeply curious person, and one of the things that fascinates me most is agency—how, under the right conditions, even grounded, thoughtful people can lose sight of themselves.
In my own life, I’ve seen how easy it is to give away agency without realizing it. I haven’t always been as timely as I’d like in restoring boundaries. There are complications. Tradeoffs. And, eventually, clarity in retrospect.
To be more intentional, I created this checklist. A simple reflection tool for evaluating influence in your life and relationships. It’s designed to help keep a sense of autonomy and healthy boundaries in place, especially in times of transition or uncertainty.
Whether you’re stepping into something new, facing change, or simply feeling something’s off, these questions are meant to help you pause and check in with yourself.
Here are seven core questions to ask when discerning influence, whether it’s a relationship, group, leader, or opportunity.
The Personal Discernment Checklist
A tool to evaluate influence in your life and relationships.
1. Do They Take Responsibility for Their Actions?
Do they own their mistakes without shifting blame?
Can they say “I was wrong” or “I don’t know” without being defensive?
2. Do They Welcome Honest Questions?
Can you express doubts or disagree?
Do they respond openly or with shame, defensiveness, or preaching?
3. Do They Respect Your Independence?
Do they honor your right to make your own decisions, even when they disagree?
Can you set boundaries without guilt or fear?
4. Are Their Motives and Methods Clear?
Are they upfront about their values, beliefs, and expectations?
Do they follow through on promises?
5. Do They Create Space for Diversity?
Do they welcome people with different backgrounds, stories, or identities?
Are they inclusive in best practice?
6. Are They Accountable to Anyone Beyond Themselves?
Do they have a board, mentors, advisors, or peers they answer to?
Do they embrace feedback or isolate?
7. Do You Feel Emotionally Safe Around Them?
Can you be fully yourself, make mistakes and corrections?
Do they handle your vulnerability with care?
How to Use This Checklist
Use your body as well as your brain.
Notice: Do you feel calm and clear or anxious and diminished?
If red flags arise, don’t ignore them.
Discernment isn’t judgment. It’s the ability to choose what supports your peace, autonomy, and growth.
Let’s talk. If you’re navigating change and want to lead with more clarity, confidence, and connection, I’d love to support your next step.